I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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