Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
