You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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