But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
