Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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