I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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