Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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