Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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