did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
