My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
