glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
