People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
