Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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