If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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