Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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