shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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