it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize