I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
