I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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