This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
