It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
