How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
