Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
