allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
