somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just want nice things and good sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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