You're completely useless in the revolution.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
