dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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