If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
