I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
