Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
