his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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