no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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