You're my little dorito
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
