I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
