Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how drunk are you?
Several
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
