True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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