She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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