Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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