you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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