I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My liver just had a heart attack.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
