I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize