I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize