I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
