wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
