And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
