i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
