God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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