kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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