I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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