allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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