i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
