I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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