just come out here and I will go home with you...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize