Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
