my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
