took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
