He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
