Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
