Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
