Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
