***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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