I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
