if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
