ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
