i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
