At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
