we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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